Do you speak English?!

Woman: Excuse me... excuse me. Sorry, ... do you speak English? 

Man: No I don't, sorry. 

Woman:  My car's broken down and I wondered if you could tell me where to find a garage. 

Man: Well, you know, that's wasted on me. I don't understand what you're saying. 

Woman: You don't speak any English at all? 

Man: Not a word. No. It's one of those things really... I wish I'd paid more attention in school... but… Excuse me, excuse me... sorry. Do you speak any English? 

Man 2: English? No. What's the problem? 

Man: I don't know I can't understand her. 

Woman: Hi! My car's broken down and I need to find a garage. 

Man 2: No, I'm sorry. I didn't understand that at all... 

Woman: All right, well... thanks. 

Man: I tell you what, if you go down that way, about half a mile, there's a village. There might be somebody there that speaks English. 

Woman: [She says in German: I speak a little German. Do you speak German?] 

Man: Deutch, nein. Spreckenzie Deutch? 

Man 2: Deutch, nein. [He speaks fluent German...] 

Man: I'm sorry we couldn't be more help. 

Man 2: Yeah, sorry about that. Hey, you never know... next time you're over, maybe we'll have learned a bit of English. 

Man: [in German} or German! 

Woman: Thanks anyway... 

Man: I can speak English 

Man 2: So can I!